Fixed Penalty Payments

The other day I was “making good progress” and was stopped by a Suffolk Constabulary PC who gave me a fixed penalty for the offence. We won’t even go to the whole “speed kills” bollocks (even the PC said my driving was exemplary but over the limit).

I was pleased that they’ve moved with the times and allow you to make online payments … or so I thought.

The Payment Slip part of the Fixed Penalty Notice has a “Ticket Number” (as do the other two parts you’re given) and there’s a “Payment Methods” box which includes a 24/7 automated payment 0300 line and a link to

So off I went. The first step was to fill in the “Notice Number” box, so I entered the eight digit ticket number there … and got an error message saying “Invalid format for notice number”. The website doesn’t give any guidance – clickable or otherwise – as to what a valid format would be for the notice number. I tried losing the leading two zeros to no avail. Nothing.

So I rang the payment line and was given the message to enter the sixteen digit notice number. What? What sixteen digit notice number?

Eventually I was connected to an operator who told me that the “Notice Number” is actually the combination of the following:

  • three digit “Force Code”
  • two digit “Notice Type”
  • single digit “Source Code”
  • eight digit “Ticket Number”
  • two digit “Penalty Code”

Well how could I have been so stupid as to not know this? It’s obvious, isn’t it? So obvious that nowhere on the Fixed Penalty Notice does it tell you what the “Notice Number” is, nor how to work out what it is. So obvious that the website they point you towards doesn’t tell you what it is. And so obvious that the automated telephone line doesn’t tell you either. Or is it the usual Government ineptitude?

PC Kelly Jones

This is the incredible story of one woman’s battle to get compensation for being a clumsy twat and then blaming everyone else for her falling over.

Singlehandedly, she’s also managing to set back the image of women in dangerous occupations: maybe people are thinking that if poor, delicate women might sprain an ankle or break off a false fingernail, they’ll now start suing the real victims so they should be protected from harm .. by keeping them away from ‘men’s work’.

Well done PC Kelly Jones (already being referred to by the Daily Heil as “WPC Kelly Jones” to draw that distinction).

And what about the public? Now it’s not just a case of wondering whether it’s worth reporting crimes at all – the Metropolitan Police never actually bothered to come and have a look at the crime scenes either time when my motorbikes were stolen – but also whether they’ll be sued by some stupid bitch who’s not looking where she’s going and falls over. Way to go!

I think we’re far better off without her sort: she should be suspended without pay until she can be booted out. She’s in hiding – according to the Daily Heil – so I hope that she’s not being paid whilst she’s not available for work. Mind you, that probably means someone else won’t be on the receiving end of an ambulance chasing letter sent to the real victim.

And what’s that? Oh it’s another bit of respect for the police force heading out of the door (no doubt on its way to make another ridiculous claim).

The Trouble With Stalkers…

I updated this blog on December 27th with an update on what I’d been up to and in so doing I made a passing comment about how I’m being stalked by an obsessive individual on an ongoing, regular basis. The update was published online at 9.43PM.

And guess what? There was a visit from the stalker less than an hour later: at 10.37PM. And just for good measure, they visited again a little later at 11.41PM for a second look.

It is truly mind-boggling – and not a bit sad – that they don’t get on with their own lives, albeit they’re living a lie. Another one; one of too many to count.

Save Us From Ourselves!

An excellent piece of tabloid journalism from the BBC News site:

Call for law change on quad bikes

“Doctors say the law should be changed to force people who use road-legal quad bikes to wear helmets.

Accident and emergency medics say lives are put at risk because riders do not have to wear protective gear – despite the fact the bikes can reach 90mph.”

Oh my word! Think of the children! Something must be done!

And yet…

There are no separate statistics on the numbers of quad bike crashes, but two particularly high-profile accidents have made headlines and brought the dangers to wider public attention.

In 1998, comedian Rik Mayall suffered serious head injuries and spent five days in a coma after his quad bike overturned while he was riding it at his farm in Devon.

In 2003, rock musician Ozzy Osbourne spent eight days in a coma, broke eight ribs and punctured a lung while riding a quad bike in the grounds of his Buckinghamshire mansion. He was not wearing a helmet at the time of the crash.”

So there’s nothing to support such a cry for us to be protected from ourselves. And clearly the high profile accidents took place off road. Not sure what a crash helmet would have done to save Ozzy’s broken ribs and punctured lung, but hey, let’s not let facts get in the way of a hysterical piece of so-called journalism.

H&R Insurance

One of the adverts over on the right of this site from time to time is for H&R Insurance, peddling their bike insurance online using Google Ads.

In order to get a quote, you have to agree, amongst other things, that:

“5. The motorbike has not been modified in any way.

6. There are no accessories fitted to the bike.”

That must mean they insure very few bikes…

Iron Butt Charity Ride

1000 miles in 24 hours (plus 400 miles to and from the start!)

I’ve signed up to do this: the Royal British Legion is holding an event under the Iron Butt Association SaddleSore 1000 rules. There are several aims, first to raise money for Royal British Legion. The second is to try and take the record from the Americans. And the third is obviously the personal challenge of trying to ride 1000 miles in 24 hours (plus a 400 mile round trip to and from the starting point!).

The event starts on Friday 19th June at 12:00 with riders briefing, with riders departing between 08:00 and 09:00 on Saturday 20th June, completing the ride by 09:00 on Sunday 21st June.

I have sent off my entry form along with a cheque for £30 but I will also need to raise at least £50 of sponsorship.

As for the ride there are four routes, two north, and two south. I am taking the Route B North Anti Clockwise.

The RBLR website and route details is here.

The easiest way for me to collect sponsorship is the just giving website at – they can claim the gift aid on your behalf.

Please sponsor me!

“I’m sure that the majority of motorists would support the proposals”

From the same bunch of fuckwits that brought you “People ‘can’t wait for ID cards’” comes news of another twat suggesting that if the road speed limit was cut to 50mph the majority of motorists would support the new restrictions, which would be enforced by average speed cameras.

Well here’s news for you, Jim Fitzpatrick: I would be dead against yet another piece of ill-conceived, knee-jerk legislation from you bunch of arrogant control freaks! Or, put another way, you can fuck right off you power-crazed, arrogant, self-obsessed piece of shit!

Sounds like it’s about time for some well organised campaign of civil disobedience before the nanny state imposes yet more draconian legislation on us. Any takers?